Nicole Gaugas

Relationships are a valued part of our daily lives. Consider therapy as a proactive step, not the last resort! Don't wait too long before seeking help, as this delay often leads to unresolved problem areas in your relationship. The truth is that addressing difficulties early on is the best approach. This proactive step can help prevent larger problem areas from developing into severe ingrained issues. An unhappy relationship dramatically impacts each partner's health. People learning to manage conflict create ways to support each other's expectations in the relationship.  

The benefits of relationship therapy are slightly different for each couple because each has unique and separate life experiences, values, expectations, and sometimes cultures. Each person will have their concerns to work through. After getting to know you both, I might ask you to complete a relationship questionnaire so we can set your goals for your relationship.

Some possible goals for couples and relationship counselling include:

• Improving how you handle and manage conflict
• Feeling more connected to your partner
• Deepening intimacy and connection
• Improving your friendship with your partner
• Feeling like a team and partnership
• Working as a team in parenting

I use Transactional Analysis (TA) therapy in couples counselling. This approach helps us recognise the negative patterns affecting your relationship and understand why these cycles keep repeating. We will collaboratively explore how to restructure, learn to turn toward each other, and discuss relationship needs more openly and responsively. In simpler terms, TA therapy helps us understand how you and your partner communicate and interact and how we can make these interactions healthier and more positive. 

Do you need help with bringing up the topic of relationship counselling with your spouse or partner?

Approach couples therapy as an investment in your relationship, a step towards a brighter future. Understand that significant improvements are possible and likely for both of you, fostering a strong sense of hope and optimism. Remember, therapy is not a sign of weakness but a proactive step towards a more robust, healthier relationship.

Some tips for discussing starting a relationship or marriage counselling:

• Normalise and empathise with your partner if they are resistant to the idea of couples counselling. It's not uncommon for one or both partners to feel hesitant or unsure about starting therapy. 
• Be vulnerable and authentic. Share your own feelings and concerns about your relationship. Please explain the issue from your perspective (I) and how it makes you feel. Acknowledge that it is okay if they disagree. Explain that you would like to understand their feelings and scepticism. For example, "When we fight, the things we say to each other are unkind, and I don't want us to treat each other this way. It upsets me." 
• Remember, the goal is to have an open and honest conversation about your relationship and the potential benefits of therapy. Try to bring it up when you both are calm so they know it is coming not from the conflict but from a rational attitude.
• Rather than blaming, state your goals. Communicate what you hope for and what you want to work on.
• Focus on sharing positive goals. For example: "I want us to have more joy in our relationship like we used to" or "I want us to be more connected intimacy."

Remind your partner of the understanding and empathy that therapy can bring. These include feeling more connected, like being a team, understanding expectations, communicating, approaching disagreement, etc. Recall that counselling can be preventative rather than a last resort, emphasising their relationship's value and importance.

If you choose me as your counsellor, I am fully committed to providing unwavering support and guidance as you navigate your relationship, ensuring you feel secure and cared for throughout the process.